I can't get in trouble, i'm smoking a bong in the office right now
Okay you totally passed out. Ask me about the bike parking garage and the expired baby formula in the morning.
You asked my mom "who the fuck drives four hours to sleep in a guys bed and not touch his penis"
theres a kid face down in the middle of campus... people are going about their day and paying no attention to him
my boss told me he would look for my wallet when he went back to the strip club tonight.
I told my mom about how you got white girl wasted and sobbed about Whitney Houston. She sends her condolences.
tell her thanks so much
It's like someone is grabbing my scrodum with pliers and just hanging there.
Omg do you remember last night you kept pointing to your vag asking who wants to play this like a fiddle hahaha
I still think he fell and scraped his elbow and lost his credit card buying 8 hot chocolates for hobos
I am the only person I know ever to have been brought TO the bar in the back of a cop a car. Twice.
It only takes one line of cocaine, and you try to shotput a fucking kitchen table
Kind of like the new iOS 10 because I can send sexts with fireworks or confetti. Really gets the point across
We're meant to be. Apparently God wants me to get dicked down pretty good too so I'm not complaining about destiny
million dollar idea: razor dispensers in bar bathrooms. your welcome, girls who didn't think they were getting laid tonight.
I'm a history major and he's the descendant of TWO presidents. Did you really think I wasn't going to sleep with him?
Randomize
