Third unemployed latin in my bed this week. I'm on a roll
Ooooh. That's not a mole. Uncomfortable.
I love how all the girls on the plan b commercial wake up alone.. Like me
We just took the batteries out of the fire alarm to play the breathalyzer game. I love college.
you were just eating all his cookies and kept mumbling "them crumblies" when the crumbs got on your shirt.
We're in ER. He's high on morphine and I'm drunk. Gonna score some bed pans for jello shots.
Found him fucking some random drunk chick in the bathrrom at the blue lep with a beer in each hand. had to give him props.
I puked in the urinal of a bar tonight. Not embarrassed cause I got away with it, legitimately upset you weren't there to make fun of me.
The sad thing is; I'm getting used to walking around feeling like I could hurl at any minute.
Trustme, don't ever look up when you're giving road head. It's awkward.
But the drunk streaking fizzled when one of jake's friends took a piss while running with a massive erection.
Did copperhead road at the bar. All the girl next to me did was stare at my glorious bouncing tits. CAN I FUCKING HELP YOU?? I worked hard for these tits.
Oooo. Can we pretend to be Amanda Bynes?
She bought wigs like Disney princesses. I want to be her.
woke up to a case of keystone on my porch when I went to bed at seven that morning.. I think it's someone's peace offering for getting my roommates car towed
Took his shirt off. Announced he was Jesus. Threw up. Asked me to cuddle him to sleep. And then tried to kiss me. Typical Saturday night.
Randomize
