I just paid $5 for a shot of el toro and the bartender wasn't even hot. Rock bottom.
I just threw up while getting a haircut. I'm never trying to accomplish stuff with a hangover again.
i don't remember but I assumed it was bad when I woke up with directions from his house to mine already pulled up on my phone
I love how our sober spotter means you only have to stay sober enough to type your pin in an ATM
I don't even know why im sitting in this office eating a poptart.
I feel like someone kicked me repeatedly in the ribs. I don't think sex is supposed to do that.
Yo I found your batman costume.... It was in my pool with a shitload of beer cans
He came so hard he burst a blood vessel in his eye. Do I have to take him to the ER? because I'm too tired for this shit.
Dude. I am seriously trying SO hard not to be amused by Honey Boo Boo. But the fact is, she just got a mani pedi with her gay uncle Poodle, and he got a discount because he only has nine toes, and I am ALL IN.
Invited the whole bar back to my place for an after party.....shit got real with everyone seeing dad drink moonshine like a champ.
I stood in my living room with two beers in my hand asking these said beers if they were going to drink each other. I then insisted that I would drink them and chugged both. Happy Halloween.
The ecstacy made me so dehydrated I started licking condensation off car windows
He's got that kind of dick that just MAKES me cheat on my boyfriend. It deserves a trophy. Really you should give it ride sometime.
Maybe for you. You don't have to clean the melted butter off the stove. I LOST THE SPECIAL SEASONINGS.
I need you to know I’m weirdly very sexually attracted to Charlie Puth now
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