Pride was great cause we really can now appreciate how far we've come as gay people!
Doll, if you're still fucking strangers behind the WeHo Sonic while high on E then we've come as far as 2003...
Have you ever been so weak from sleep you couldn't push your poo out?
He kept spanking me and talking about biomedical science.
Aw, you fucked a pre-med? you're moving up in the world!
I was just expressing concern for your pickle consumption.
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I'm in a pile of cheezits at an unfamiliar location watching dateline on tlc. Stage an intervention.
I just entered us to win a trip to Vegas for spring break. GET YOUR VAGINA READY FOR THE ULTIMATE DICK HUNT!
I got kicked out of the men's bathroom at the diner last night because i was straddling the sink attempting to pee with pants on. Beat that.
I'm using my breathalyzer result sheet as a coaster for my 40.
You should hear the lecture my mom just gave me about cooking pizzas when im drunk because "I could have died".
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I got whiskey, so I think the blizzard and I are at an even match
My dream of watching a live dick sword fight might never be realized now. Currently sobbing, shots to follow
I have more sex toys than shoes - HOW AM I SINGLE?!?!?
Good, I would never sleep with your boyfriend , or send you an edible arangment
Floor bacon is actually really good
When you start lapping your martini like a cat it's time to go home. Partys over.
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