You know that restaurant that is like over by home depot?
That shitty one? I heard the food sucks there
It's my parent's restaurant
i swear to god her finding her clit was like looking for a sock in a dryer full of beach towels
She's helping me study for the final by writing the vocab words all over her body.
Everything is bigger in Texas. Including Colt's vagina.
he just asked me to email him a handle of captain morgans...how sober do you think he is?
He told her, Don't talk. Just sit there so I can imagine that you have the kind of personality I wish you had.
Just KTHXBAIed an old man for staring at me
someone just laughed at me while i'm laying on the floor waiting for the bus. like they've never been hungover.
I just feel like I should give it a rest. I'm too old to be drinking bottles of grey goose and falling into koi ponds.
just found out they live across the street from coke dealers... rethinking the new years resolution
you said candy land and then passed out.
ps. we found your stash in the candyland game. Thanks.
He just got dropped off drinking a flask, sitting on the handlebars of a chinese delivery man's bike
Tonight's gonna be epic. Did he bring my noodles?
You tried tipping the cashier at Cook Out by shoving a dollar bill down his shirt and yelling "Magic Mike"
we had break-up sex in a port-a-potty. how do you think it went?!
I am literally drinking 7 day old water and looking for snacks in my room so I won't have to go in the hall and see roommate, because we accidentally banged last night. Please bring over some chicken and plan b.
Randomize
