We drank from noon till 5 am, there was adderall and nice jews involved it was just crazy
Tried killing a moth in our bathroom. Water everywhere. Don't worry about it.
i want to open my blinds to let the sunlight in my room, but i'm afraid my neighbors will be able to see me drinking and judge me
I think my mom's writing a book called how to fuck with your kids when you know they're high
hey dude i know youre in the next room but me and your sister need a condom, got any i could borrow?
Having sex with her was like reading the Wall Street Journal.
there is just no excuse for touching your mothers vagina.
I have hooked up with someone in EVERYONE OF MY CLASSES.
That's how you know you deserve to be a senior
Is it mean that I just sent him a pic of my tits with the header, "say bye bye?"
ill give you the fast version. Hooked up with 17 year old coworker while housestting for my boss
The next time i black out make sure i remove the ping pong balls from my weave. Especially before my first day of classes.
He kept falling asleep with the pizza in his hand. I woke him up and told him and he was shocked because he thought he ate it all. Then he would end up falling asleep and we'd repeat the whole process again.
You shouted "FUCK SHANIA TWAIN" and then downed an Aquafina bottle of white wine none of us knew how to react
Ate 3 ghost peppers and chased them with Everclear last night. Currently on the toilet cursing the universe and everyone in it.
My sex life is driven by spite and alcohol
Randomize
