dude i woke up to 20 missed calls from you, 3 from a blocked number and had 13 voicemails that all said "send me a picture of your tits."
so im guessing thats a no.....
I blew a .224 after sleeping for 6 hrs, cleary im a champion
I just accidentally stumbled into an AA meeting...I think its a sign
This soccer player girl is eating this banana WAY to slow. Too early for penis shaped foods.
Tell me why I'm at Target and this entire Spanish family is crowding around the condoms questioning which ones they should get
Does your throat ever get sore from being choked too hard or do u think I'm just getting sick??
Do any of you want to be on a three way call with me while this girl masturbates in 10 min? You can't talk
Ummm. I just wanna say this now: Don't let me invite the band back to the apartment to see my stripper pole.
She asked me to head butt her and after half a bottle of whiskey that seemed reasonable.
The rest of the concert I just stared at the lights and didn't really listen to the music cuz I was trying to make sure my brain still worked cuz my face was numb and I couldn't move... Yeah I'm not a weed brownie person
I think I just wanna go buy some jack at the liquor store, come home, take my pants off, and not give a shit about stuff
My hands are stained pink. I look like I fisted a muppet.
I just came so hard my vision went blurry. I can only hope one day I'll find a man that can accomplish what my left hand does on a tri-daily basis.
That's the 3rd guy I've made pass out from a bj. I may have super powers.
Idk why more people don't drink at work ... i mean, yeah, the cash might be off tonight, but my customer service is fucking phenomenal right now
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