Why did I call the Oregon Department of Transportation at 4:30 in the morning, and who did I talk to for three minutes?
Why the hell does jager make you get to the point of having to army crawl around cause you cant feel your legs and scream jaga bombs when puking??
can a guy be partially circumsized? cause i dont exactly know what i was lookng at...
I just mixed tequila and nyquil in front of dad. hes making ambulance jokes but let me tell you its DELICIOUSSS
I am drinking at a movie theater seeing a children's movie, 2nd time this week
is it too early in the day to continue our conversation about penis shapes?
Its become more of a routine.. Whenever I get done eating and have left overs I just take it over to his house and throw it all over the walls and windows. Pay backs a bitch ehhhh
It's isn't revenge sex until you've cum on her porcelain doll collection.
he went down on me to a drake song and now i think i need a penicillin shot
At least you didn’t announce to an entire bar you’ve eaten pussy, and then knocked your beer over.
I was at a crossroads, dude. Like, do I wanna eat chicken McNuggets or talk about my feelings?
My sinuses still burn from snorting red wine last night.
Remember I am not doing blow tonight. I REPEATE NO COCAINE unless I do it with your mom
For someone who claims to be straight, she knows a hell of a lot about bi erasure, and one Hayley Kiyoko song too many
Woke up way too warm in the middle of a spooning sandwich. Was working up a rant about still not wanting a threesome. Then I realized the littlest spoon was the dog. Might need to break up anyway.
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