Dude my mom stole all your condoms
You should be grateful to be my roommate. My booty calls always drive you places in the morning.
On an unrelated note, i found out who duct taped shoelaces to my face
All i know is we had 4 people on a tandum bike, and told the cops we couldnt stop because our momentum was so good.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I wouldn't blame my organs if they just decided to quit working after this weekend
Boobs are out for the taking
You're more than welcome to join us! There's red velvet cake and apparently my pants are open for business I didn't consent to this
what i'd really like is a nice helping of naked boyfriend with a side of naked boyfriend.
Then he kissed my hand sensually and said "you're a Black Queen. Don't let anyone tell you different."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I told her I had a small penis. Then replied if Peter Pan won with a dagger then so can I
Plus who wants to live somewhere tom jerked off? No one.
Probably yeah. I mean maybe one day we can be those friends that hang out naked. Not awkard at all.
Only real friends lend their restraints to engagedfriends to fool around with married strangers.
a girl walked up to me and asked if you were my brother. she shook her head and said 'im so sorry' when i said yes. what did you fucking do????????
So I got offered a job this morning based on being a "good role model for girls" and I am drunk at 330 in the afternoon in "celebration." sometimes, life is insane. But not so bad.
Randomize