whats a polygalesbian?
lesbian polygamists..duh.
My cock was attacked by outdoor plants
k, so I just picked a four leaf clover, then saw my dads penis. Lucky? I think not.
My costume is made up of 4 inch heels and a firefighter costume I'm borrowing from the dramatic play area of my Pre-K classroom. I told you I could still be slutty on a teacher's salary.
Just know that as we speak i am injecting vodka into gushers
my six pack is really starting to show since I started fucking everything that moves
Her stepmother interrupted our sex to tell her it was midnight and she wanted to do a sympathy shot for her 50th.
Don't break up.
What does puking wasabi feel like?
Like snorting cocaine backwards.
Reunion weekend was a success. Had 3 ex's inside my vag. Hat trick!
I can't tell if the dead thing in the yard is a deer or the guy I slept with last night...
When they send me to rehab, I'm screaming your name down the halls.
I just referred to our excessive fireball consumption as a team building exercise and everyone in group text agreed.
We're not alcoholics, we're a god damn team.
After you finished the $300 bottle of wine you just started crying about how if Mulder and Scully didn't invite you to join the x-files your life would be meaningless because you "love that weird shit"
My liver is preforming stress tests.
It's 90 percent alcohol, and 10 percent a whisper that says "get drunk"
Randomize
