I'm pretty sure a girl doesn't give it up with a reverse cow girl...
Just saw a teacher from our school with his wife... Now i really know how little teachers get paid.
Fail #1 I puked off the balcony onto the balcony below us and when I tried to pour water on it in the morning to wash it off it just went all over their deck. Sorry room 1342 but welcome to Jamaica
I think that's the first time i've seen 'you look like an ugly version of my ex' work as a pickup line
whoever set the energy saving light timer in the lobby bathroom cleraly has no concept how long a work dump takes
She just fell in the river. Meet us downstream with the bottle.
I was tied up in bed before noon, the rest of the day can go to hell.
you were crying saying "if you love me you will find me a loaf of bread"
note to self: do not snort crushed up caffeine pills in the bathroom by yourself when ur super shit faced, ur face will fucking hate you in the morning.
Fucked her on the patio while some dude drove by on a mower. He waved. Twice.
Like how hard is it to come up to me with chocolate and wine and say "hey, you're beautiful. Wanna marathon Doctor Who in sweatpants?" Hell yes!
GUESS WHOSE BEST FRIEND IS OUT OF PRISON!
Let's drink lean at the 5 seconds of summer concert. Give the teens a glimpse into their future as dysfunctional adults holding desperately onto their youth. You in?
I'm crying watching Rihanna at the VMAs. Periods are a bitch
For the love of god, if any of you are up, bring me pants.
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