New pre-game routine....wal-mart bathrooms...quality beers for free...hallelujah
Ive never seen someone more dtf than a soaking wet drunk girl who stumbles into your backyard.
If I don't wake up hungover in a ditch Monday morning I will consider my halloween a failure
Bank of America: Available balance is $546.25 on 03/04/2011 for account 8428. Go online for details. TextSTOPtoStop/TextHELPforHelp
i loe djcudia fjxos rue.
She asked the taxi driver to stop at the Texaco because she had to puke. She did then stumbled into the gas station and bought a 40.
I woke up naked except for someone else's socks. Im so proud
I most definitely just found a video on my phone that I accidentally took... You can't see anything and all you can hear is me talking about how good your water was... And then I fed it to you... And used the word "eloquent" to describe it.
My final act is to send you this message. I love you. Tell my family that I love them. Except my dad. Tell him I said "Eh..." while rocking your hand side to side. And tell Tim that I will always love the idea of him. Tell Caleb I love him so. Take care of Miss Kitty Fantastico. Tell the world that I will watch over. Good bye. I love you.
Ask him to get me chedder bratwurst instead of the molly
Unless if you guys already left. Then I want the molly
Interesting occurrence: the application I use to keep track of my periods and sexual encounters just notified me it had been over 4 months since you were logged as an active partner and ask if I'd like to remove you from my options. Wow, kmsl.
The fact that I can sew my leggings while intoxicated proves I'm a functioning alcoholic
Aint no party like a Broke College Girls Eating Stuffed Crust Pizza party
'valentine' just autocorrected to 'cake robe' in my phone
I think that summarizes my life up pretty accurately
We've been fucking like crazy ever since she quit her job..ive been running errands all day to stay out of the house and give my dick a day of rest
I hate my life now
ATTENTION: just found out of have strep. if we have had sex in the past week, might wanna go to the doctor. if you plan to have sex with me in the next 20 days go buy some condoms. stupid antibiotics.
Randomize
