i miss you and i wish you were peeing between my legs right now. in a platonic way
Also do the "tongue the pee-hole" thing.
i just discovered how you can fold down the cardboard sleeve on a hot pocket. Life just got a whole lot easier.
Ever have a poop and think... that has no business coming out of a human? Like it looks like a sick dog's or a ferral animal's?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I will call him whatever I please, including flaccid dick on forehead guy but not limited to watermelon cunt head.
I'm sorry but I require more work than your hamster. I need food, a minimum of 5 pillows, and I need to be played with daily.
you are dancing on the line between undergrad and alcoholic.
It just smells like spaghetti and despair.
He was late, on account of he accidentally went to the Al-Anon meeting across the hall, and it took him 30 minutes to realize he was in the wrong room.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Probably won't be invited back there again considering last time his purebred corgi ate my pot brownie and had to be rushed to the hospital.
Is it bad that I tried to build an outfit based around "What do people who use condoms look like when they buy condoms?"
Rough day
Good thing I've started drinking again
He was telling me how he was trying to grow up. And then 2 minutes later, he told me he was tripping on lsd for the first time.
Found her grinding on my boss with her tongue down her throat last night. Guess who just got promoted!
Had a job interview today. Walked into the room and said "IT'S GO TIME, BITCHES".
Randomize