I wish Pampers made couches for people like us.
I can mark tailgating, going to the game and getting road head off my to do list today
you were sitting on the floor cleaning up your own puke and telling my mom she should hire you as a maid.
YOU STOLE THE WEDDING CAKE?!?!
Only one tier
Tastes like cardboard anyway
What is their policy on bow ties and belligerence?
My arms are still sore. Apparently, lube wrestling is the best workout ever.
I need to find out this kids work schedule. I need mustache rides on my lunchbreaks.
I'm home alone for the next hour and a half, I expect soup and and a willing attitude to do drugs from one of or both of you girls.....annnnnd go
I remember him going "OH SHIT" when he saw you straddling me on the table. And it was like the best feeling ever.
This medicine is making me nuts. I just woke up and I thought I was in a glass case with Asians staring at me.
Definitely had a dick in my ass while watching the Seahawks win. Best NFC Championship game ever.
the bright side of moving is at least my Tinder options will refresh
Morning! Got your 3am VM to remind you to get up for spin class and also confirm you were not murdered by the sketchy guy at brunch yesterday. So this is your literal and metaphorical wake up call.
I think I fell in love last night
That guy had a face tattoo and was named Cheddar. Please tell me you’re kidding.
At Target. Everyone is stocking up on food and flashlights for this storm. I stocked up on beer. Dont judge me, it was on sale...
Randomize
