you know what i hate about salt? you can't see it.
in pain and im wearing pink underwear
so?
i dont own pink underwear
The way white people respond to them, you'd think Journey was the president of Caucasia.
She kept calling me her DD, which I assumed meant designated driver, so I was confused because I don't even have a car. Found out later it means designated dick. It's what her and her friends use as code for the guy they want to hook up with at the end of the night. I feel so used.
When we ran out of red solo cups we switched to Starbucks cups for beer pong... Who doesn't want to live in Seattle?
Help. Me. He just whispered 'prepare yourself', & sprayed hairspray everywheres to make sure the 'air was crisp'
Apparently unused tampons can also double as things to bite down on during public sex to prevent screaming...
I have to bobbypin his pubes for us to have sex. The other day he wanted me to braid them.
I woke up because a stranger was shoving an already lit bowl into my mouth. Spring break is awesome
sorry bout that man. went out to pay the pizza boy, ended up hooking up with some random drunk girl that thought i was someone else
You didn't act like you were blacked out yesterday...
I didn't know
want to know what my life has come to? I just took a 45 min shower banging on the walls and making loud sex noises so my neighbors think I get some.
Yep. I'm going to buy a sex toy and a LARP prop on the same trip. Welcome to my life.
I have a pair of clean panties in my purse. This is having your life together.
There may or may not be an ass shaped dent in the hood of my car. All I know is windshield wipers aren't as sturdy as you think to hold onto.
Randomize
