i'm saving my butt for my wedding night
CAN CRIS ANGEL JUST LOOK NORMAL FOR ONCE?!
Already tried, she's too smart for that. I need a Primos "Do your wife in the butt" lure/call to trick her into wanting it
Just had to have the guy at Sprint clear the dried cum out of the trackball on my Blackberry. Wonder if that happens to him often.
She always manages to outslut me. I can't keep up
It got a little outta hand when you wanted to do body shots on the table.. at Dennys.. at 4 AM.. with lemonade
He just asked if I would make his black snake moan. Dating basketball players is not worth the glory
I see you've set aside this special time to humiliate yourself in public.
I just watched the lion king for the first time in years. It's like the equivalent of a really good blow job.
I am drunk. Riding an elevator. You can smell the beer. Doctor on with me just smiling at me... He agrees, fuck cancer.
No. I think its because I really and truly know that he is a moron and his future prospects are zoo animals.
Life's too short to be sucking dicks in cars for the rest of my life.
I just wrote my resume on the same park bench I got felt up at in freshman year of highschool... I've truly come full circle
Gave his drunk ass water, & he poured it on my shirt while saying "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!" When reminded of it today he replied with, "at least you came in first place"
Pandora played an ad for a free trial for an abortion pill if you’ve had unprotected sex in the last 2-3 days and then Lucky came on... I literally am dying laughing
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