I hope that the reason I've been psycho on him is that I'm pregnant and not just psycho.
I'm so high, I forgot to harvest my farmville crops....noooooooo.
Worst stoner tragedy.
Good to know: if a hot girls asks to go back to my place, she probably just needs to vomit all over my bathroom
it's pretty bad when you go in bed bath and beyond and recognize 6 different bed spreads you've had sex on
He held me the entire night. Not endearing kind of way. Like kidnapping or held hostage kind of way.
sometimes i think my sole purpose in life is to cockblock my roommate
You need to get here now. Before they realize I'm not puerto rican.
I smell like fire and strippers. Successful sunday funday.
He titled his birthday party on facebook, "BJ's in PJ's- an adult slumber party." I'm the only one invited.
Did you guys seriously let me trade my id for a kebab last night??
I keep confusing the name of her and her dog. Both are appropriate.
I woke up this morning to a lot of blurry photos of a swan i must have chased down the riverbank and a handbag full of loose haribo.
i woke up in just my socks. my clothes were outside, he had rugburn on his elbows, and a window was broken.
I went down on her on the dining room table. That should count for something.
She rode me wearing nothing but a Santa hat. Merriest fucking Christmas!
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