Dude love is like an itch. You fuckin scratch it, then it itches more, then you scratch it and it itches more, and before you know it, there is semen everywhere.
you are insane
dude i woke up to her making a statue of my morning wood for her sculpture class. HOW THE FUCK do you think i feel about her?
Come on... In this relationship-economy, you gotta have "awesome blowjobs" on your resume.
Girls behind me in the library are trying to outslut each other with stories from last semester. I'm about to set my cock on the table between them and label it "tie breaker"
Turned out not to be so bad. He had a big dick and i owed him for all the free beer over the year.
She just face-timed her mom and had her watch all of us toast to her grandmas tits..
anyone who says having children is the best experience of their life obviously has never seen a vending machine carry vodka in Capri sun pouches.
You're just mad because I look hotter in my mug shot than you do in yours
My neighbor caught me peeing on his rose bushes at 2 in the morning while wearing my Santa hat. My sex appeal has never been higher.
I'm calling it the Friendlationship with Benefits Zone.
apparently putting your t-shirt on your head with a bottle of captain and telling girls your the pirate king of tallahassee doesn't work
But break dance skills will only take you so far
I asked what you thought of her and you replied not the biggest I have had
if my uterus stops caving in on itself long enough for me to be alive I'm there
Bro.. I am absolutely going to have sex with our old middle school health teacher
Randomize
