I felt like helen keller
But she could have totally found that shit before me
A freshman just woke up on our back pourch... He swears there was a party here last night but we didn't have one
No, a stripper letting you buy her dinner is not the same as a girlfriend.
I just ran from Santa Claus in Kroger
My natural self cock block skills kicked in last night. I could've got on like 2 chicks but i ended up throwing up all over my van instead.
you were drinking a pitcher of what you called "16 loko" and making everybody guess what the secret ingredient was
Dude. Remember the only two rules I set for that? Always have a sober friend and don't do drugs with a fat chick.
So this is what you do on your hungover days off put your balls into an egg carton?
During sex his mom asks from the other side of the door, "Do you like avocados?" Who doesn't like avocados?
I'm not sure New Orleans is real. Even the grocery stores sell vodka.
Can I chase this vodka with an onion?
I just found a To Do list on the table, written by me last night, that just says "1. Go downstairs. 2. Get Pickles. 3. Laptop"
There was nowhere else for me to go. I'm like the island of misfit toys but I'm hot.
just woke up on the floor of my shower...it was still runnning
yeah but really his dick tasted like soap. like i was blowing a bar of soap
Randomize
