even a "fuck you" would be nice at this point.
she gave me a handjob while we were watching elf.... it's that time of year again!!
i just went through and liked all 1,239 of her pictures instead of writing my english paper. don't tell her, i want her to be surprised
Vaginas are confusing as hell with all their secret compartments and shit.
I'll get my vaginal cartography poster.
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At this point I feel like i'm never going to be sober, and it's frightening
Well I went on a freakin rampage and destroyed a fan and claimed that it wasn't doing its fan duties... Then I knocked on everybody's doors in the hall and asked if they were content with their fan's performance and if not I would take care of it...
So, I'm stoned at his house petting the neighbors cat I made him steal.
You're a fucking train wreck.
I am making it a rule that only people I am comfortable around enough to not have to put a bra on are allowed for Sunday funday. I think that's a good rule for someone who started drinking alone at noon while everyone else here sipped their coffee.
Yeah I was thinking something along the lines of "I almost died, lets celebrate with sex. Come over"
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He literally said I should watch game of thrones while I was blowing him like is this the conversation you want to be having right now
I feel like David Hasselhoff when he's drunk eating that cheeseburger and crying. But with cheesecake.
Getting drunk at 9 am is not a super power.
We decorated the tree, drank wine, and he went down on me with Christmas music on in the background. Christmas IS coming.
Well 1) stay calm 2) stay safe 3) drink more
Right now I'm laying face down on my carpet in my living room in the darkness sending work emails from my phone.
It's a glamorous life.
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