I just peed or puked all or around my parjibgb lot.
parking. I am not drunk
We just followed a woman home because she looked like Jeff Goldblum. Turns out she lives in a trailer park.
This is the 4 year anniversary of the last time I shit my pants. Let's get drunk...
i've decided to use this saturday afternoon to take care of my pube situation
Because the last time i saw or spoke to him he came all over me in a hammock.
It's shit like that that makes me wish being deaf was contagious
I bought this skirt with every intention to have it wrapped around my tits by the end of the night. So, I'm not a whore. I'm a self-fulfilling prophecy.
I'm having a staring contest with a raccoon.
Where the hell are you
He's winning.
The world is my kaleidiscope. I see whatever the alcohol wants me to.
I'm fighting fire with fire. When my parents interrogate me about what I was doing last night, I tell them the truth. Every disgusting, awkward detail. I'm 23 now and they need to get used to it.
It wasn't really sex. It was just rolling around, trying to make sure his dick didn't end up in my ass.
Is tonight a drink a little and reminisce kinda night, or a drink everything and pray kinda night?
Hey remember that spam cooked in dr pepper we made? 10x better when the dr pepper is rum
I tried to steal a Mike's Hard sign last night but it didn't work out
why what happened?
Well it was going fine.. until the bouncer noticed the three foot steel lemon sticking out of my jacket.
I need more 20 something year old penis in my life
Randomize
