I slept walked to the toilet and woke up pooping. Easily one of the most disorienting events of my life.
He told me he was ok to drive home. Then I found him face-planted in the parking lot.
I bought a Christmas tree in my drunken state last night, after walking a half mile in search of vino and prior to my apparently playing boardgames with my boyfriend's family. There is no way you are on my level.
just got super drunk mixing jägermeister with my lyme disease meds. even if my face goes paralyzed, at least i got smashed from it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Oh my fucking god you idiot bitch just get here forget about the vodka the fucking cops are looking for you
The bachelorette started when I opened the door and they threw a few dozen dildos at me.
Did copperhead road at the bar. All the girl next to me did was stare at my glorious bouncing tits. CAN I FUCKING HELP YOU?? I worked hard for these tits.
I'm happily sitting on the toilet cause I'm too tired to move. I'm considering making this my permanent residence. It has a lot to offer.
Is "I want you to destroy my insides" too forward?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Leave it to me and my dad to puke on the same guy at the same bar 25 years apart
You said too many real things and now I need to crawl back inside my protective fort of sarcasm, being an asshole, and sass
he made me cum so hard i had an asthma attack
I don't even think NICOLE made a fool of herself last night...
your aware she lit herself on fire, right?
How did I end up in some random dudes car?
Some guy came up to you and asked if you knew how to drive stick.
So I come home this morning to get ready for a job interview and there is garlic seasoning all over the hardwood and a knife in the wall. What. the. fuck.
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