I puked in a mailbox on the way back from your house.
Dude, she's so old there's a chalk outline where her reproductive organs used to be.
Whatever, you were 10 deep and there was a hot tub. No judgment.
hey did I tally my arm again of # of shots?
nope, you were tallying rejections at the party
I think I ordered pizza when I got home. The email said the delivery time was noon today. So if that shit shows up I am the most amazing drunk on the planet.
made out with three guys on the first night of college orientation, just imagine what joys all of next year will hold
I knew it was time to stop when you guys were playing a drinking game called "every three steps take a drink"
honestly i just want a cigarette and someone to go down on me... are you interested in helping with either of those
Yeah, first time I've shit my pants in my twenties... I'm thinking about putting it on my Facebook timeline
Nothing says "welcome to Denver" like a hot 18 year old giving you directions to the dispensary and ending up blowing you in the backseat
I have feelings that need drinking.
Are you going to eat tacos off the floor again?
THEY'RE TEXTING LIKE MIDDLE AGED SOCCER MOMS WHAT DO I DO
I'm the kind of gay who carries his anxiety medication in case the club scene gets too fierce
I woke up to a bum peeing outside my window, and he said, "This is embarrassing for you."
Randomize
