I'm bakin' bread in my pussy!
What?
I have a yeast infection.
It was mandatory to shotgun a beer before we were allowed to eat dinner
Was the mom I hooked up with decently attractive I feel like her two friends were hotter
Ive been home for 20 minutes and I'm already in bed with a vodka tonic
My leg won't stop wagging. It's like it's congratulating my vagina.
Okay the common myth about putting tampons in you nostrils for a nose bleed is busted. It just starts coming out through your throat.
Wondering when "babysitting" formed into "sleeping on the couch for five hours nursing a hangover and giving the kids Nyquil."
I refuse to fuck a guy who needs a coozy for his beer. NOT EVEN IN DESPERATE TIMES LIKE THESE.
Someday. I cant very well invite myself to his dorm room. And I'm 28. The excuses to be drunk and running into him at uconn are rather slim. Although I'm working on it.
Currently studying Econ, while waiting outside current booty call's residence for him to return from the strip club. This is your fault.
Also, the greatest of ironies: I got shampoo confiscated by security while Corey managed to get pot through. MERICA!
so let me get this straight... she's showing a cameltoe that can be seen from the space station and I'm NOT supposed to stare?
He has a British accent. He could read me the phone book and I would come so hard he would need a wizened old man in a rowboat to save him.
Just ate 2 pieces of pizza in the shower.. New low or fuckin brilliant??
I am not even ashamed to say it, I got laid in the stairwell of the hotel, by a 29 year old. It was awesome!
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