I remember going home with 2 girls. Woke up with 4.
Living right is spending a lot of time in someone's ass
I just overhead some girl saying that she's trying out for the real world so she has a backup if she doesn't get into teach for america...
She has an album entitled "my photography", which consists of about 80 different pictures of a tractor that she took on her cell phone. I'm all for freedom of expression, but come on.
Another night, another sound of my neighbor almost having an orgasm.
And she used to have such long ones. Sad.
I feel like I have African malaria. I just remembered singing Teenage Dream in full to that biker couple at the bar.
Just spiked the bong with a ludens cough drop with hopes it soothes my throat after i rip it.
I just want to go to their admissions office and show them the video of him taking the flaming shot, and be like yeah...you let in the kid who lit his entire face on fire over me.
I feel like all of the victims from Seven. Best birthday weekend ever.
All together there was 318 cigarette butts in the pool... And my microwave.
Please let me buy the coffee, all my assets are in starbucks gift cards
Have you seen that new toaster that burns your pics to toast? Let's drink some booze and discuss what I have I mind.
This is even better than the wine from my laundry basket
He was like "why do you look so cute today?" and I said "I showered" and he laughed. I wasn't making a joke
I feel like I haven't slapped your ass in years. This will be awesome.
Randomize
