i just saw a foot job.
porn is incredible...
You know the commpass Jack Sparrow has? The one that just points at whatever you want? Thas pretty much my moral compass.
i stole $50 bucks from my girlfriends purse to pay for my other girls abortion pill...shes gonna be pissed
I was speaking french the whole night. Until i got arrested. Then I decided I should probably start speaking English.
He just called shotgun on the way to the squad car.
There was an ice luge. Lets just leave it at that.
Honestly... isn't she a psych major? how does she go through life NOT realizing that everything she does is a cry for help?
I've smoked enough weed to put down a pony.
After the 3rd shot, she was running around singing, "Twinkle Twinkle Big Ol' Dick, on your happy place I'll sit" to your brother.
Put that bitch's torch out. She's been voted off.
Nobody knows who they are, but they have an ice luge so they are welcome in my book
I can't wash the smell of tacos off my hands. I feel like the Lady Macbeth of Chipotle.
THERE HAS BEEN GRANDTHEFT IN THE HOUSE. SOMEONE STOLE THE BABYWIPES AND YOU NEED TO BUY MORE BEFORE WE LET YOU IN. oh and you have to take two shots before we'll let you in. with no chaser.
Bug bite on my vagina. I think we need to stop this 'sex in awesome places campaign.'
Do you remember standing up at 3 in the morning and asking me if I was counting to six?
Dude I had my dad cock block me once
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