my new favorite insult= "thundercunt"
she said it was okay because they were "professional" nude pictures of her on the internet
he told me he had a problem with me going both ways. like what the fuck. what guy says that to a girl? goodbye planned threesomes...
No one actually likes Tequila. They just accept it as a fact of life. Like hpv.
he said I could live with him because I'm cheaper than a dog and don't need a pet deposit. That and I don't piss on the carpet...
He was using OnStar to get directions to the bar. I'm pretty sure he'd have gotten her number too if I hadn't disconnected the call.
He played the same pre-sex songs as his brother...
Admit it. It's a brilliant plan with hundreds of possible repercutions.
Understatement of the year.
i think god would be more upset with me for turning down such a beautifully crafted cock than he would for me liking girls
I'm going to miss recovering from hangovers on the beach. Rolling around in my dorm bed and watching Friends reruns is just gonna feel like slumming it.
I was hooking up with him and then someone banged on the door and shouted "When you get the chance, will you put the weed on the veranda?"
I warned you. Don't come crying to me when your vagina refuses to forgive you for this.
Well you got kicked off a stripper pole. They said girls only.
He surprised me with a puppy tail butt plug in his ass and wants me to fuck him
Omg. I checked my purse this morning and I'm pretty sure drunk me stole a frat guys tube of crest 3d white toothpaste. Like that's pretty fucked up but I think if I knew someone did that to me I'd probably still invite them over again cuz I'd be like, "this girl's creative, and has good hygiene."
Randomize
