More dangerous that a broken heart and a shotgun.
Wish I didn't live with 3 girls so I could beat off in peace.
I have never pre-planed for a better sober morning than lacing my muffin batch with tylenol.
Oh the joys of strong arming a man into exclusivity
on todays agenda: meeting with a life coach then going to the dollar store to buy batteries for my vibrator. clearly im still unemployed.
i will trade you pizza and a blowjob for a fifth of vodka.
do i get to eat the pizza while you give me the blowjob?
I'm a hopeless romantic that likes rough sex. Judge me
Did we smoke in a portapotty last night? And if so, do you think the brown stuff covering my body is actually dirt?
i just added a shot of fireball to my iced coffee. goodbye sobriety.
You just managed to turn Dr. Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
I do not love him. There is no love. Only sex and meatloaf.
Ate his Chinese food and drank his beer and played with his chihuahua. All while wrapped in a towel while he was sleep.
After we had sex he gave me a thumbs up... fucking A&M Aggies, man
Last night this creepy guy asked me my name and I told him it was Jaundice and he called me that all night
I fell out of my bed whilst trying not to move this morning. I AM ADULT
I had ice cream for breakfast two days in a row.
SUPER ADULTS
Randomize
