is it weird that i feel like i won the break up because my status change got two comments and his got zero?
All I remember was yelling at him, "Its becasue of people like you that it took us so long to get to the moon!"
I wrote and sealed my mom's mothers day card last night while intoxicated.. should i put it in the maibox
without a question
I keep finding coffee grounds in my vagina
He's a waiter, looks 15, and told me he loved me after only talking to me for 30 minutes. I told him I wanted a margarita. We got 3 free pitchers. I may have to make this our regular Wednesday night hangout.
Heard you were the one that shit off Jamie's balcony. FYI there is a cabbie down here out for blood
I want to wear Christmas sweaters with you.
I've literally NEVER been on a date or gotten through one episode of netflix without having sex like I JUST WANT TO WATCH TRUE DETECTIVE
Is it completely inappropriate to base my morning after pill purchase on if they sell coffee or not?
I may not have my dignity, pride or sanity but I have my pants.
fucked him on the porch to avoid the chanting that always happens when we leave the bedroom. backfired when a group of freshman walked by and started screaming like fucking babies.
Do you remember trying to sleep under the pool table while wearing a reflective vest?
Nope.
You kept saying you had to be safe.
This chick just walked out of the men's room with molly all over her nose and her shirt half unbuttoned. She nodded to all of us and said "gentlemen" as she exited
I think the night went to shit after he started sweating and crying about a taco he dropped on the ground 3 years ago. No more blind dates
We played wedding bingo. I made out with the maid of honor and fucked one of the bride’s sorority sisters. But I needed to get with the groom’s cousin, a mother-in-law to be, or the wedding planner to win and I came up short.
Randomize
