a/c is broke at work...just took my panties off at my desk and the janitor saw it...might have a date for later. let you know
Listen: if you or anyone else at work finds a starfish in a bowl, just leave it. It'll be gone by next week.
Better yet, if you find it can you put it in the mini-fridge in your office for safe keeping? Spanks.
And if it's going to get me in trouble, maybe just don't mention that I know anything about it.
can't believe I ate straight coffee grounds to stay awake for that
I need to have sex with you on our hotel room window ledge... This is a need not a request.
i'm about to say screw it and get drunk in the hotel by myself
It's 2 pm, at least sit by the pool...
Well there's nothing more unattractive them a naked, soft man crying
Oh good your over him
OH DEAR GOD. He looks like if u licked him he'd taste like bourbon, sex and sunshine.
Girl it's 3:30 get your life together and come enjoy a bowl, some coffee and a brownie with me
At IHOP. It feels weird and sad that your cleavage isn't here for me to try to toss paper wads into.
Nothing says I love you as your fiancé bringing back home your drunk brother from his own stag party
Yeah bunch of crazy shit... Makes you wonder how anyone found someone before tinder
What the World Series means to me is that I've slept with too many giants fans.
Pretty sure that I just proved those labels that say "non-flammable" wrong. totally unrelated, We just made your futon fly with a shitload of fireworks
My mom has tinder, she is 45 and has her age setting at 18-29. And she still gets more matches than me
I love you too, but sadly you're not as good at getting me out of bed as cocaine.
Randomize
