I texted him about a book we both like. I was expecting a "ya great book... let's bone" response. It didn't work
So it's like pop-o-matic trouble, but with penises
I have decided that a Nickelback cover band would be the pinnacle of loserdom.
I think I left a blow job at your house. Can I come down and get it?
I gave it to your brother to give to you.
i just sold a bong and some oregano to fifth graders for sixty dollars. doing something tonight?
so...he totally just used scissors to cut up the weed. a wet paper towel to moisten the blunt....and a blow dryer so it wouldn't be wet. this dude either has the worst case of OCD or has the potential to be the next martha stewart.
we had a 10 minute conversation with his family about how I don't let him eat me out. I want to go home
You two kept repeating the same thing over and over. It was like looking after retarded pull-string dolls.
And then I learned that we are dating when I said it's out of line to bring fuck buddies home to meet the parents. And then I was single.
After the Patriots lost I punched him in the face. But I still feel like that isn't a good reason to dump me.
i asked the cop if we could stop and do a chinese firedrill.... he said no.
we were sitting in the kitchen and you kept biting my shoulder saying "itll all be over soon"
If I die, let him know that his penis was the last penis I saw. And I'm happy about that.
I didn't wake up drunk this year...I must be getting soft
Yeah I guess quad-fisting Miller Lites just isn't as effective as it used to be
Do you want to go soon I'm overthinking life and my butthole again
Randomize
