Seeing him suck some chick's face on VH1 wasn't exactly how I imagined the "we should see other people" conversation going.
my neighbors are having lesbo sex right now.
I'm on my way.
You have not lived until you've seen your mother stumble into the house with one shoe on mumbling incoherently about tequila cupcakes.
Can an epipen be used as a tranquilizer ?
He was all like, "I think ur the one that got away and I miss you." I replied, "I gave u a hand job once in your hot tub. No need to wax nostalgic about it."
No, i will not have sex with him again. It felt like he was trying to bulldoze his way through me. My vagina is on strike.
Yea we slept in ur room but im 80% sure we didnt have any peanut butter in there
I think I ate my cheesy fiesta potatoes cup.
Your roommate from freshman year just had a baby. I think you're winning. Hooray for fifth year seniors!
My boss just told me not to come back to work if I decide to drink. Challenge accepted.
CONGRATULATIONS! You have won: pictures of my nipples!
Its like her house is inhabited by 50 year old lesbian water color artists with a throw pillow fetish
Started my day with puking in a trash can.... Its gonna be a beautiful day
Are you sure he's still you're boyfriend when you're sober?
I can't talk, I can't walk, I think I'm twitching and I'm not even sure if I'm typing this. Help
Randomize
