im ready to get crazy and take my wig off
I'd fuck her but she fucked Dusty. And I'm pretty sure he's humped livestock
Yo I charged a $20 breakfast to ur room, will pay u back in liquor and schoolgirl panties, thx again for a fun time
Did I tell you he has dinosaur sheets?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
did you know they have Ed Hardy school supplies at Target? it's like folders and notebooks for little douchebags in training.
who knew getting puke in ur hair could make it look so cute and curly. minus the crusty puke part
I just tried to light a cigarette with a tube of lipstick. If I had stayed in girl scouts maybe I could've made that happen.
I'm so bored right now i'm literally Googleing all the possible ways to get high with household items as my mom is sitting in front of me..
That's the kind of break up sex that keeps couples together. Damn.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
...Just between you and me I just did Olympic grade ribbon dancing with toilet paper in the bar bathroom.
You talked about giving to sperm banks on a first date. What did you expect?
It sounds like I am drunk, but I am not. I just have a concussion.
My life is over. I farted in open court. Noticeably. The judge looked at me. It echoed.
So if I get kidnapped from my office and go missing for a few days does that count against my vacation days and do I still get paid?
The awkward moment when you're leaving the most attractive guy you've ever been with and you're trying not to shit on yourself. Fucking welcome to my life
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