Found out in my property law class that you can sell your eggs for $8000. Helloooo spring break.
I just puked in my fish tank. Helloooooo summer.
On the plus side I got to ride in a fire truck and I didn't have to blow anybody for it
Other than a hickey from some random Canadian roller derby girl, I came out unscathed
My arms are sore from holding up pukeahontas for so long
You have to keep an eye on her tonight cause you know how she likes to pickpocket people when she's drunk.
Stop whining I left you with whiskey
YOU LEFT ME WITH WHISKEY ALONE IN A CABIN IN THE MIDDLE OF NOWHERE I AM GOING TO DIE.
The last time I thought I had a UTI, I ended up having herpes. Sooo.. This time in preparing myself for cancer or death.
These are all good points. But, I think your under estimating what it's like to be held upside down for a standing 69
Oh. I'm probably going to just get a viagra and ruin your life.
yeah, you could tell they werent used to the strange things that i say. they were all outright shocked when i told one guy i hoped someone kidnapped him and stretched his dickhole over a fire hydrant
They only searched every other person. But I sacrificed myself to get our vodka across the border
He kept sending me videos of his dogs while I was trying to masturbate. At what point does getting vagina-block apply?
The couple in the apartment next to mine are both opera singers. I’m never sure if I’m hearing them banging or doing vocal warm-ups.
I was grinding with girl while I was eating french fries, and she turned around to hook up with me. She ate my fries.
Randomize
