i was puking in the toilet, he walked in and to talk to me and started puking in the sink.. Could this be my perfect man??
I think need to divide my DVD collection into "movies I've seen" and "movies I've only seen during sex"
There's a bed on the roof. The window behind it is too small for it to go through. I'm impressed.
She was our DD the least I could do is have sex with her. Even when drunk I'm still chivalrous.
Dude...that line about her giving me a blowjob to get rid of her hangover actually got rid of her hangover. Spread the word.
Her mom walked into the garage as we were smoking a kush blunt with sombreros on.
For future reference "I'm too drunk to come today" is an acceptable line to get out of work. I love my job
No no don't get confused. We do chemistry homework on Thursdays. We screw on Fridays. Other than that, Words With Friends is our only communication five days a week. We are NOT dating.
Pretty sure I recall hugging our waiter from the bar last night. That also means we are NEVER going there again
Right now, millions of people are waking up to get ready for work, start their day, and be productive members of society. I just found a 40 stashed in my fridge. I'm getting daybreak drunk. Zero fucks are given.
Isn't being unemployed beautiful sometimes?
I used my yoga mat as a door stop so he couldn't come into my room when i was sleeping last night. Drunk engineering at its finest
When do you want to get tanked and forget our entire college education?
The lady at walmart just said she is so happy im still alive....Was i that drunk on the 4th? Dont answer that
How does one hint at their mentee that they used to casually fuck his brother
He told me he felt the only proper thing to do was fuck me to the top of the corporate ladder
Randomize
