she was so hung over that i had to hold her hair while she puked in a trash can in the middle of the student center as new freshman and their parents walked by.
Ughh on my way to the bathroom now... literally just puked on myself and cleaned it off with a hot dog bun... I love tailgate
Christmas on farmville was waaaaay better than my actual Christmas.
Literally just stood in the shower and forgot what to do. that hungover.
He told me that "my little fuckpig" was a term of endearment in Britain. I think I'm in love.
The following message is brought to you by IMSOFUCKINGSORRY. Dude I'm really sorry I got you arrested last night. You are allowed to choose a repayment plan from the following options: Money, weed, or a single kick to the balls any time within the next calender months. Repayment outside of the aforementioned options can be negotiated and considered within reason.
Tell your friends I said hi and that if they touch your penis I'll cut off their hands.
Bullets don't scare me. I wish I was a coyote
I just stood still on a stair at the train station expecting it to go down automatically like an escalator... Today's going to be a good day
Her ass is the reason I still believe in a higher power
Apparently he got pepper spray on his dick. So he's a literal fire crotch.
A Morman just tried to recruit me and I told him "Trust me, you don't want me"
It's a little hazey but I think I tried to request Nelly last night. There was no dj. Not sure who I was talking to
Can I just say how funny it is that your "respect" tattoo is right above the bruise from me slapping your ass
I s2g I’m about to get ghosted by a 34 yr old and my Oedipus complex cannot take it
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