I think he was having a seizure but nobody knew because 'what is love' was playing
One reason I don't come to Portland. I saw 8 guys I have had sex with last night. At the same party.
By 8 I mean 9.
And by 9 I mean 10.
The 30 seconds of sex was almost worth it...I mean he did smoke me out and watched the princess and the frog with me
why is there an outline of nathan's body on my wall in whip cream?
She was kind of put off because I kept calling her baby my spirit animal and staring hungrily at her breasts.
im just gonna lie here and collect money in this whoppers bag while sprawled out on this bench and explain that its to buy weed for my hangover
She just tricked me into telling her the balance of my 401k... She's like a gold digging jedi mind trick ninja
I'm a hopeless romantic that likes rough sex. Judge me
So what your saying is I can use her desperation to my advantage. Fuck, this must be how pretty girls feel.
Looks like he unfriended you too. I feel like we were both just handed negative pregnancy tests.
Actually, lets be honest. I will probably keep calling him the pastor because it brings me joy using pastor and fuck buddy in the same sentence.
It has now been 10 days since we last saw Sebastians penis
I don't need this shit right now. I just woke up covered in pistachios
Just dropped the most perfectly rolled joint into the toilet I just finished taking a shit in, hadn't even had time to flush, 5 second rule?
No!
It's taking all of my will power not to chug this margarita. This must be the life of an adult...
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