She'll never know what hit her
I dunno. Girls tend to recognize ball-to-chin contact.
then she came back into the room with a neckbrace on. i thought she was getting ready for the pounding of a lifetime.
I just found out my favorite drunk show, Repo Men, is just reenactments. I can't express through words my disappointment.
It's been five and a half years since she and my brother stopped dating. I feel like that's a long enough grace period. Going for it.
the water pistols in the freezer are full of voddka.
She set fire to my carpet trying to power-dry puke covered cigs with Josh's blowtorch. How she found it in the garage is beyond me but if you bring her with you again I'll shoot you myself.
i get drunk faster, i spend less money on food, and i'm losing a shit ton of weight. depression and its pills are doing wonders for me
The cop was yelling at you as you layed on the sidewalk and you wouldn't take him seriously cause you thought it was some dude in a cop costume.
I can't wait to get home and brush the fuck outta my teeth.
Literally.
I told him that I wanted his dick like I wanted a jumbo hot dog. There something wrong with my priorities
I think I got a sinus infection from puking out my nose on st. Patricks day #thisis26
She took all the bottles out of the shower caddy and replaced them with booze. I just made a shower Manhatten. Imma marry this one.
The guy got mobbed on, all hell broke loose. About 20 cops showed up, and this kid somehow convinced a cop that letting him pee in front of him is justifiable. This guy could sweet talk Hellen Keller, he was THAT good
sarah's view on last night: a threesome to make things less awkward. oh, well done.
I don't want them thinking I'm like, "Mm, yeah, kitchenware in my ass please."
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