that shirt you're wearing that says "officially single" makes me think you'll be that way for a really long fucking time.
CONFIRMATION: i wiki searched it and Justin Bieber is 15 not 13. so i dont feel like as much of a pedofile now....
ok so I'm texting you now like I promised instead of drunktexting aaron and telling him how badly I want his cock tonight. aren't you proud?
this is Aaron, hi
drunk...on the white house tour...security is staring. this will not end well.
The fact that I woke up with my panties on the counter and a piece of pizza stuck in my sheets is what scares me.
I told him I'd put in a good word. And the word of the day is: NEGATIVE
I made Mark strip for me and do a stripper dance. I put 2 dollars in his mouth
Lets play a game called: how out of it are you today? Let me know if you can beat driving on the wrong side of the road twice and walking up two extra flights of stairs just because you weren't paying attention to what floor you are on....
I traded my pants for a Santa hat last night and it was so worth it.
If I send Ben a tit pic but I do it while wearing a Tom Brady mask is that funny or creepy
He sent me a dick pic for every page I had to write for final papers (87) & brought me adderall. Tell me that isn't romance.
My god imagine how much cum is in that astroturf
Is it bad if I look at someone i dont know and just want to punch them in the face?
Do not confuse my plans for being an adult though. I will ABSOLUTELY be practicing suturing, on my porch, while getting stoned.
whatever, tonight I’ll be getting my ass eaten by an aussie so we good
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