doesn't matter. i just recorded the power rangers theme song on my phone. and its loud. was thinking we could use it as our entrance song as we walk into bars.
just took my birth control pill with a shamrock shake. happy st. patrick's day
I just claimed my unemployment in Vegas. This seems wrong.
note to self, drunkenly bedazzeling the silverware was a stupid fucking idea
where did this taco bell managers name tag come from ?
IT'S SUMMA TIME
ITS SUMMA TIME NOT BE HIGH ALL THE TIME TIME
THEY'RE THE SAME THING
I'm remembering the time we thought it was a brilliant idea to put koolaid powder in shots of goldschlager
my sex drive just dried up, fell out, and is rolling on the floor somewhere.
I told some guy on tinder, that apparently has a prosthetic leg, that I think we started off on the wrong foot. I hate myself...
I just realized it's officially fall..I had sex while watching Halloween
Came home to butt plugs and dildos in the bathroom sink WTF
Spring cleaning
Do you know how difficult it is to snap a good dick pic while driving?
He let me eat chexmix while we fucked... I think I love him.
Someone signed my nipple.
the girl who hid my weed when the cops came has a birthday coming up. i feel like i should get her something.
Randomize
