I think it's safe to say that I made out with the entire msu campus this weekend
my boobs are a 3G dead zone. as soon as i take my phone out of my bra, it has a signal again.
I don't understand how he can't hear himself snoring, but he'll wake up to me sneaking m&m's from my junk food stash beside the bed...
just saw someone puke all over a michigan fan. he didn't even flinch.
I just took a bite of a bagel at school and it tasted like weed. If I am high for my test in 2 hours I'm gonna kick someones ass
I'd suck anything for a pizza right now
This is no lauging matter. Huge cock equals great sex. Marriage to huge cock equals great life.
We lost Kevin again. Probably kidnapped by fattie 2 or butter-face 2 from last night. We need names and any information you can give us. Last scene with his shoe laces converted into a belt.
Just saw you drinking out of a flask on national tv. I've never been more proud of you
I wish you could be here to assess my herpes before he gets here.
NEW RULE: can't hook up with more than 50% of the groomsmen in wedding party or it becomes wrong kind of weird. NUMBERS GAME.
You started crawling towards a moving train. Maybe you should take it easy next time
I always make inappropriate sexual decisions during the holidays
I wish you could just Google "people I've had sex with" and they would all just come up
It's not even 8pm on a Friday and I've already got a guy to tell me how big his penis is. Watched anything good on Netflix lately?
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