So tired and we had a cokehead in the salon today making us bleach her whole head because she thought it would let her pass her drug test for custody of her kid
Oh.My.God.
yeah my walk of shame consisted of driving on the wrong side of the road at 6am still drunk with cum drying in my hair and left eye.
She put her phone in her underwear and it somehow managed to work it's way into her vagina. she has a BLACKBERRY.
You kept telling me to "raw dog" your take home breathalyzer without the mouthpiece
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this kid is using one arm to help his buddy with a keg stand, and the other arm to hold up the chick he's making out with.
So help me Jesus we're never drinking together again. But weekends don't count. Amen.
I'm at about main and main street
At one point last night I over heard you say " I'm gonna puke in a bag and pour it down your throat" I LOVE YOU.
well i mean, we just followed them into an alien and astronaut party. there was tin foil everywhere
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you ran up to the police and said "fuck the police shit we living in hell ". Then you dropped your Margarita and said "Darby Out" lol
Well I'm sorry I assumed you were a human and that humans have the capability to forget sometimes.
Will you be doing the frenzied booty dance of passionate ownage on my penis tonight
She fucked the dishwasher AND the manager.
Well, she isn't a classist. You've got to give her that.
I wrote life affirmations on my notes to repeat and read several times a day so I become a better person, see the time on the toilet has been constructive
I want to ride that like one of the Horsemen of the Apocalypse- with bourbon in hand and without mercy.
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