I didn't have a rubber, but my dick had a date with a clorox wipe after we finished. I think I'm in the clear.
Puked in a cab. Passed out on my floor an my mom put a blanket over me. Home by 1045. I won shitshow trophy last night.
I woke up this morning really drunk with my Christmas lights on and two owls in my bed.
Even My mom was ashamed of me bringing her home, she pulled me aside, and told me i can do better than, "butter faces"
i've officially fucked a sailor, a policeman and a biker. I've never noticed my Village People fetish until now...
Honestly, it's not that easy picking a Saturday night outfit that can translate to Palm Sunday mass. Priorities.
Totally passed out on the dealers bed after paying him all in ones so no, i dont think i'll be getting a discount soon.
He can spot Burberry from half a bar away. He's not into vag
Just be aware that next year I will probably try to seduce you to avoid going to the gym
Romney sounds like a middle school girl and that creepy ass smile makes me want to close my blinds
Man my junk looks like a mangled grapefruit right now, this shit sucks.
Current state of being: shivering like a new born kitten on the bathroom floor
I told the cops they couldn't arrest me until they found my shoe. Now I have the grant county cops looking for my heels by the rail road tracks.
I was afraid I was gonna get a URI, so I peed on his front porch.
Found Ryan’s keys in the fridge. On my way back.
Also, tell him he missed Nathan passing out in the dryer.
Randomize
