i woke up under my mattress pad with him laying naked next to me and his wwjd bracelet on my nightstand.
nice, that's exactly what jesus would do.
Nope changed our mind. Decided your strange bacon like body odor wasn't what we want to smell tonight.
im just going to superglue mistletoe to my forehead and see what happens
my mom just wingman'd for me at a bar. i really don't know what else to say.
It's alarming how good I'm getting at being productive at work on Thursday after Johnny Walker Wednesdays.
Just wanted to remind you that you literally cut the underwear off a man.
I am dressing up to go buy weed. I need to get out more.
i really care about you, respect you, another gay word, and another gay word... lets just drink
Bro, I just googled 36 year old pussy so when I do see it I won't be shocked.
I think we r still a few steps from ex sex. In fact, that's never going to happen. I'm just saying on the seething-chemical-fire-of-emotional-distress-to-post -relationship-intercourse scale, I'm closer to fucking than throttling. Progress is fun.
I mean, "boo" isn't the appropriate response to someone dying...
I told you being able to play expert on guitar hero would get us laid one day
STOP TRYING TO FUCK MY DAD
THE HOT GUY IS YOUR DAD?!?!?!?!???
I have drunkenly angered a family of raccoons. Please send help immediately.
He showed me his sex playlist and it looked good, so I slept with him.
Randomize
