I woke up wearing no shirt sleeping next to a half-eaten grilled cheese.
Well did you call the grilled cheese yet? Or r u waiting the usual 3 days?
so I just used the H1N1 mask my mom gave me for college to hold in a bong hit longer... god I love orientation week
I don't see why you're so upset, it's not like you were wearing pants either.
it was like, one of those nights where you keep going back to the fridge because you just can't get full. except, with sex.
were drug buddies, doing lines off her ass is just a bonus
you kept telling us that in dog beers you only had one
Well apparently I'm no fun since I won't have a threesome with him and my mother.
We are stranded. Come find us. Bring an egg
Not sorry that my walk of shame this morning was barefoot on my scooter.
MAN I GOT NO SLEEP AND HAD A BREAKFAST OF SKITTLES AND ASPIRIN. I'M LIVING THE LIFE.
You 2012 self promised me that you would do LSD with me, and it's 2015 now. So.
Plus, I'm basically a doctor, so what could go wrong.
This is the best thing we've done since that time we started a religion
Made out with some dude at the bar last night. Was fun until he thought bohemian rhapsody was by The Who
No actually you're a pro. You puked on the cab ride, and managed to completely contain it in your purse. the cabbie was even impressed.
Sometimes being bisexual is a curse. Turns out I banged both of her older twin brothers last summer.
Randomize
