Last night we were drunk and talking about rude things, I mentioned felching and had to explain it to everyone. Everyone was disgusted and asked how I knew about such filth and I told them you told me. Don't get mad. Also a quck heads up, you might get gifts of straws at work,
some how when im high sleep beats hunger...its like how paper beats rock it doesnt make any fucking sense but it still happens
You told the bartender you needed 2 beers, and a shot of his cum...
this is like black Friday for my dealer. I'm literally standing in line.
Is it bad that we're talking like nothing happened?
Ah. Blossoming love after wild blackout drunk sex.
she worked me into her spring break cardio plan. im mondays and wednesdays.
Chugged a beer while being walked to the bathroom by campus police to pour the beers out.
Ginormous penis in the breeze, cumming champagne showers into your eye
Really? Uh ohh sounds like a double date with extra stripper funnnn
We told you to go get more fire wood and you came running back with a log that was on fire, not drunk at all.
I just don't understand how we smoked the EXACT same thing and I feel fine but Tim's over here serenading his fifth bowl of fruit loops with Elton John's entire discography.
You were chugging tap water out of a running blender screaming "bubbles is Perrier mother fucker"
Look on the bright side: Now that I'm sleeping with both the exs it's good bye to drunk sexting the 'wrong one'.
Couldn't find my swimsuit top anywhere this morning but finally found it in the skimmer of the pool so thats how my night apparently went
She looked like a cross between Jesus and John Lennon. So I fucked her. I feel majestic and powerful.
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