Yay Minnesota! I can't believe there's now a US Senator who has taken more acid than we have
pray for me tomorrow cause I have a midterm that I've mostly studied for by watching Bill Nye episodes on the subject...
Swear. I think after passing out in a community college parking lot I can safely nominate myself for the piece of shit of the year award
apparently 20 random guys watched the process of me being carried on a mattress through the dorms
Theres a truck parked on the front yard and i just want to take this opportunity to tell you now that it is not my fault.
HOLY SHIT HE'S TRYING TO EAT HIS FOOT. THIS IS THE BEST DAY OF MY LIFE.
I automatically know you're drunk now as soon as you start yelling in spanish
I dunno what the deal was, but you spent about an hour trying to put your phone charger in the outlet and you were yelling "one plug to rule them all"
let me drop the bass on your empty vagina syndrome
So while you were living in this woman's apartment, you acquired a room mate, fucked her daughter, and killed her bunny. Worst sitter ever
I think after 8 tries we can say Stoli Thursdays cause too much damage.
I used to shoot steroids in my ass but for a totally different reason
If I say I hate myself for it does it make it any better?
Are you still passed out in my back seat, or do I need to come find you?
She was a cheerleader in college and President of her sorority and now she’s a sales rep for a pharmaceutical corporation. “High maintenance hot” doesn’t even begin to explain it
But dear lord is it worth it
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