i just had a dream that i could control how black Will Smith was with a remote.i need to stop sleeping with the TV on
So we've decided on 'hamburger' as your code for tonight. If you add ketchup or fries, we know the threat level has escalated.
Just got mistaken for a cardboard cutout ad in line at Taco Bell. New low?
I just watched the quarterback of Purdue get shut down by a girl at a bar. not a good omen
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
do you know your status is "goal for vegas: hook up with a girl AND a boy"?
and THATS why i'm not adding my mom on facebook
Just found out its our ciliated mucous membrane that traps the molly when we snort it. Biology does relate to life
You picked up her frozen vom puddle and threw it like a frisbee.
let's see, i ended up walking for an hour towards a macdonalds that didnt exist, sprinted full tilt into a powerline, and left a 30 dollar tip to a waitress at dennys we made friends with. I REGRET NOTHING
I'm just a little drunk right now and I have to work at 3
Omg sara
I ran out of milk and it's hot and I was thirsty
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I need an IV, a new head, and stronger morals.
Please tell me how the stripper got back to Sarah's from the trailer park
I just found a To Do list on the table, written by me last night, that just says "1. Go downstairs. 2. Get Pickles. 3. Laptop"
It is not a successful senior year unless you show up to campus without pants at least once, right?
By the time we got to McDonald's you were sharing a Big Mac with a stripper.
Rich men love me! I remind them of their trophy wife!!!
Randomize