my best friend tried to rape me with a pineapple
You can't be mad at me for wanting to drink though, it is the reason we're engaged
The hot Japanese girl in my class just said her "favorite sexy American actor is Nick Cage." That, I can work with.
Whatever, its basically a crime against humanity to miss an andre power hour so she'll get what's coming to her.
She forgot my birthday again. How do you forget something that came out of your vagina???
I just want to let you know it was a unanimous decision that we would eat you first if we ever turned into cannibals, we figured with all the bacon you eat you may taste like it. It's a chance we are willing to take with your life...don't forget that we love you
Hung over. Bed full of legos for some reason. Not getting up. Come build stuff with me.
I got mine. It's a truly beautiful penis. Plus he pulled his tongue muscle on my vagina.
Nothing bad can happen when you have a kiwi flavored condom. Absolutely nothing.
It makes me feel all patriotic & free... And borderline diabetic.
It's 2 am on the long weekend and what am I doing? Sitting alone in my room eating chips and queso and watching Rio. Fuck I need to get laid.
I hooked up with the sexiest couple in the LAX BATHROOM IN THE CHANGING FAMILY ROOM HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAA
I opened the bathroom door and the starting point gaurd was eating out my art history professor
Step 1 was make out with him. so now we just need to come up with step 2.
The guy at the liqiour store just said "Wow haven't seen you in awhile, is everything okay?"
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