he also called and said i only cheated on you 8 times but they were all trannies
and someone in the background yelling "one was fat so that counts as one and a half"
Hungover. Be in at noonish. Turn my monitor on and put a hot cup of coffee on my desk so the boss thinks I'm in
she looks like stephen colbert with that blond wig he was wearing last night.
I just threw up while getting a haircut. I'm never trying to accomplish stuff with a hangover again.
I woke up with the new contact "Britney Both Nipples Pierced"... how do you think the night went?
this is the last time we take the mathletes drinking.
There needs to be waaaay more alcohol in my apartment if I am going to survive being unemployed
Didn't get laid. But got a free pie from a waitress. A whole pie.
Bouncy castle Catalina wine-mixer race for the cure. It will be as fun as it sounds
First thought today, I need a ventriloquist dummy that looks like me. This week's project has been determined.
This is what my life has come to. Drinking champagne alone yelling at the dog because no one wants to hang out with me
why do you keep saying "she looks like a porn star" like thats a bad thing?
I told ya. I'm super awesome at making things super awkward. I'm the Awkwardnator.
Please can we have sex in this office for old times sake
And no one can masturbate with the sound of Bernie's voice in the background
Randomize
