I don't think you know how difficult it is to pee in poncho..
dude your girlfriend loves you alot..she yelled your name lastnight in bed
I mean its not the first time I passed out drunk at barnes and noble.
There's some drunk girl alone in the field, she looks like she could use some help.
Also it's only fair that you know that that girl is me.
at what point last night did we decide it was okay to let me hitch hike to another bar?
Like I couldn't describe it to you but if they did a lineup of penises i'd be able to pick it out.
I'm amazed your boyfriend is still with you, how do you manage to pee on him while he is holding you in his lap?
perfect irony that i'm celebrating international women's day with a yeast infection
theres a new barista at starbuck holy fuck she's hot
i want to face-plant into her vagina
In her drunkenness, she packed a bag with tequila, two shot glasses, salt, a knife, and two pears. She was prepared but too high to distinguish pears from limes.
It's like my life is one of those movies where after a bunch of outlandish events that only happen in a movie the girl realizes her true life calling and lives a great life with a sexy man of multiple races. But I'm stuck in the fucked up part where 25 year olds come in their pants.
eating chex mix on the couch when he walks in naked and asks how he looks. are you shitting me.
That would be a mascot riding an ATV at a semi-professional hockey game, if that doesn't sum up how I've been I don't know what could
She used my 100 Ways To Cope With Stress handout to wipe puke off her face
Honestly who turns down a free blowjob?
Randomize
