Cab driver just said he likes mutual masturbation in the cab. Um
There's a "art of the blow job" class in the city. We should go
Baby, I'm all set with that. That would be like trying to teach bruce lee how to kick someone in the head
i should write a book entitled 'the joys of being sexually objectified'
sometimes i really wish you were a nugget.
Aunt Jean just announced that her pubic hair is getting thicker as her head hair gets thinner. As a family we are just not a people of mystery.
This is getting serious. I keep forgetting what's in my vagina.
Getting a high five from your dog when you're stoned is one the greatest rewards of being a pet owner.
does drinking everclear count as brushing your teeth? because i think they are sterilized
I owe you 20 bucks. My blood work did show liver damage.
I don't care how high you are, you can't finger me while eating potato chips.
He just texted me asking if I remember pinching his eyelid shut with my eyelash curler.
This is the weirdest negotiation ever.
This is what happens when two people with zero shame try to argue.
My roommate was tripping balls last night, he kept me up all fucking night
Roommate? Please tell me you're not calling your cat your roommate
According to facebook, I opened up a can of whupass on some douche who poured all the vodka on the ground.
You called the wrong number but I salute you.
Between this new vagisil cleaner and these cranberry vitamins, my vagina feels like a new women.
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