I think I took your hangover as a birthday present
he's a nude model. what could you have done to make him feel awkward??
keep it on the DL tho cause i dont want it getting out and it coming off like i kidnapped her or something
There's a lady carrying her kids toy animals in a crown royal bag. Mom of the year.
I think I pulled my groin stumbling back from the bar. That or the hippo I woke up next to.
THIS TIME TOMORROW MY VAG IS GONNA BE BRAND SPANKING NEW.
I'm having one of my monday morning walk of shame coffees if you care to join.
We ate our feelings. Then drank our feelings. I feel feminism delivered.
Braid them armpits, sister.
He offered to let her do a line of coke off his hard-on. She said she'd had that hard-on and it would be a bump, not a line. Everyone laughed. That's why he left.
So that answers the first question but not the second: how the fuck am I getting home?
Then I did coke with my taxi driver where he then ended up paying me for the drive. You should try being a girl sometime it's super sick.
My mom and sister were over. When my drunk roommate came home, he yelled "GOT BITCHES IN MY CONDO"
also i don't know what you guys ate last night but he broke the toilet
I made him watch the first 5 episodes of Game of Thrones before I decided to sleep with him.
I am so stoned. And there are so many white people in this Jack in the Box.
Dick is dick. I’m not turning it down because he’s younger than me. Covid has been a real cockblock and I’m a woman with needs
Randomize
