Just soaked up some whiskey with a paper towel and then squeezed it into a cup for consumption. New low.
I think I saw a glimmer of recognition, but she must not have been able to make me out through all of her whorishness.
Either I get my picture taken sitting on a fuckin pony, or I'm not coming.
Mac n' cheese is coming out of my nose. You can't make that feel better
If I squint, he looks like Jude Law. But that's kind of a weird face to make during sex.
Penises. Penises everywhereeeeeeeee. Penis ratio is sooo disproportionate. I can't NOT get laid tonight.
It was fine until he came back to my place, grabbed a beer, HIGH-FIVED me, and left.
Hooked up with a guy solely because he had a chameleon. Priorities.
Well I was kicked out of the bar and woke up on a picnic table. I'd say the night was awesome!
Everytime I try to keep track of the amount of people I slept with I always forget about that guy I met on the dc metro, where I woke up to him organizing his Special K and Molly and I was covered in sleeping cats.
I'm too over dressed and drunk for this emergency vets office
I feel like that xmas present negates everything we were taught as little girls. Putting out DOES pay. God bless us everyone
hahahaha classic. this is why you are going to a college with a hospital right next to it
the cop asked if i was drunk and i responded with "breathalize me, cap'n". incidentally, he was a captain and i blew a .13.
You kept saying, "please sir, can I have some more."
Randomize
