he saw my emergency pass-out-in-the-bathroom-after-drunken-puking cot in the bathroom.
You were scared that your teeth were shrinking so you stuck your fist in your mouth. then you were convinced your hand was growing cuz it got stuck so yu started crying
Mental note: adding peach schnapps to a gin and tonic does not "water it down."
Say something like you want him to fuck you behind a McDonald's. Guys secretly love weird shit like that.
What's a quick way to get over an ex-boyfriend? To hear about how he threw up in a cup and then drank it. That's how.
okay just a general question, but if i got arrested, who here would bail me out. this is important.
At orientation, some girl is asking, loudly, where she can get weed. Everyone looks discussed but are paying very close attention to people's answers.
Don't pretend you don't want to dance on the edge of overdose all three nights
Dude. The amount of love and appreciation from a house full of stoners when you come home at 4 am with donuts is overwhelming. The kind of love to make Jesus have to work a little harder at his unconditional love thing.
I broke a glass at the bar and ended up with blood on my forehead. I apparently kept screaming BLOOD like the little boy in that YouTube video.
The only reason I know his name is because we wrote marriage vows in orange crayon on the back of a Walmart receipt.
Sorry for drunkely attacking your best friend with a bow and arrow then loudly crying myself to sleep....PMS?
He walked in on me banging his sister and said "you're both old enough to make you own decisions. Carry on"
I want sex. When is an appropriate time post funeral to ask for something like that. Like when it gets dark out?
She demanded to see my stimulus package, I had to go over.
Randomize
